twenty 10

mood: totally uninspired
current weight:: too scared to check, all the booze and mince pies did nothing for me
resolutions: no concrete ones
general will to hassle on: 4/10
manuscript progress: lets not talk about that
2010 so far: waiting for candy coated rain
wat gets me up in the morning: my flatemates kids screaming, jumping up and down on my bed
do i want change: wat do u fink???

acoustic soul virgin nomore!

I had the great pleasure of attending Zim Ngqawana live with Zimology at Wits university last night. For someone who has never really been into acoustic music i was rather reluctant, though i went along with my friends anyway. (Sure i got a Jimmy Dludlu CD somewhere but i've never really listened to it!) What i did n't expect was to experience something so deep i almost can't describe it... though i'll try. With Zim playing the sax and his backers on the drums and base guiter, it was easy to meditate on whats become of life. All its disappointments, then the triumphants. Easy to understand where life is yet to go. It was easy to live in the 'Now.' The most fulfilling part of the brain to live in beacause it doesn't judge decisions and actions taken in the past, its not insecure about a past because a past doesn't exsist.
In a space of an hour, i went from wishing for days gone by to realising that when the so called 'days gone by' where going on... i longed for the days to come. Ironic hey? I figure since one day i'll look back at life as i know it now, might as well go full throtle and make it worth smiling at !!!

Thanks Mr. Ngqwana for making me realise that i hold the key to my future and i will have to allow everyone else to live their lives the way they want to. No one owes anyone anything after all. Once we understand that life is a gift and shouldn't be wasted on the petty things that we fuss over and obsess over, we are well on our way to living it fully. I choose to forget the past, its mistakes, the people who hurt me, the people i hurt along the way. Holding on to the hate is distructive and makes being objective and focused on my goals, difficult. I'll be going for another concert when one comes my way. Meanwhile i still continue to prance around with flowers in my hair and a song in my heart. Trying to see life through a childs eyes, living it with a childs heart. The sadness and loneliness do occassionaly resurface, though i take them in my stride and continue to strart what Rose (my mama) gave me!

totally uninspired

totally uninspired,
pigging out on chocolate,
then cake,
and generally everything in my carboard,
It's a great manuscript, honest,
So great it's overwhelming,
Totally uninspired as the deadline looms ahead,
How the hell will i get to 60 000 words in 2 weeks?

serial 'hanging'

Aren't all single people serial hangers, in a way though? Hardly malicious, it's not like serial hangers sleep around and are generally on the prawl for new beit every other second. The way i see it, serial hanging is the right every singleton reserves in their selection of whom they hang out with. I've been out with a different guy for the past few weekends, and no they weren't dates, just friends hanging out. And is that wrong if it's a different 'male' each weekend? I don't think so , though it could send out the wrong message to people who see me each time with a different guy. Not that i care really, i'm sure i come across as a playa playa (lol) which was never bad for anyone's reputation. Don't people love you more when they think they can't handle you?

So coffee with john on a monday, a movie with jack on tuesday, a drink to celebrate midweek with paul, a puza thursday bash with patrick and full blown clubbing on friday with musa can't be as awful as it sounds right? I do hang out with my galfriends though i always find it easier to hang with my guy friends. Less borrowing of shoes and bitching that way. A bit of serial hanging gone wrong does happen though, sadly. Like when sweet musa suddenly confesses his undying love for me or when i fall in 'like' with patrick. Serial hanging becomes difficult then because now musa gets all mushy, on the other hand i'm thinking of patrick before i go to bed and dreaming of him! LOL. It gets nasty when patrick says he ain't that into me and i take it all out on musa.And the other hangers get official 'girlfriends' who don't get the whole hanging thing at all!

Serial hanging gone bad, neh? LOL, though on the whole, i'm happily serial hanging as opposed to actual dating... things are somewhat simpler that way. No forgetting of anniversary's
or having to explain the days when i just want to be alone and the next person can't get that!

my conversation with God (uncut)

 In the comfort of my bedroom,the clock has just gone 3:26 a.m and i still can't sleep, so i get on my knees instead.

God: Well fancy meeting you here, i'm surprised you remember where to find me!
shukie: I still know you exsit if that's what you're trying to imply, the past year has been hectic.

God: I'm sure it has.
shukie: Don't patronize me, you're the one who allowed everything i've been through to happen. All the disappointments, all those decisions i spent sleepless nights trying to make, that failed anyway. Can't you cut me some slack?

God: (laughs) Is that the same reason we're here now? Your insomnia? Well if you'd trust that i have everything under control with regards to your life then you'd sleep at night wouldn't you? I allow bad things to happen to you because the devil wants to mess with you. Though i'm always certain if you seek me while he's doing his thing then you'll realise how much power i trully have.
shukie: So this is an ego thing, again? Mankind are like pieces on y'als chess board right?

God: Why are you so mad?
shukie: Because you let me down... again! Looking around me i see everyone successfully living their lives, but me. They have the perfect homes, perfect cars, perfect relationships! It really makes my blood boil.

God: Well if you'd talk to everyone you'd realise that they all have one thing or another they aren't happy about. If you'd stop shutting yourself out of  people's lives and switching your phone off for weeks on end, then maybe you'd actually be there when someone needs you! You are quite selfish shukie.
shukie: Who needs me anyway? And i can switch my phone off as i please, thank you very much. That's really up to me. And don't even start about all this social networking crap.

God: So don't come complaining to me about you loosing friends, you self fulfill.
shukie: And i thought you where supposed to make me feel better?

God: ( sighing)You make it extremely difficult. What's this really about then?
shukie: It's about MY life, it's about the people you keep making me meet, it's about stuff with mom, it's about my sisters. There's nothing right about any of it. Some days i just want to end it all

God: well why don't you?
shukie: The thought of burning eternally in hell and you being more mad at me. Listen just tell me about 2009? What was that seriously about?

God: Growth. Despite what you think, you met great people, made friends who will be in your life for ages and you grew stronger.
shukie: I'm tired of being strong

God: I love you, all i want is the best for you. I'm not the enermy.
shukie: I'm sure that's what the devil says too.

God: Each time i've wanted you to acknowledge me and seek me, you've basked in your own self glory. Prancing around like you are responsible for all the GOOD things that have happened this year.
shukie: (smiling) and there have been some good things that have happened this year, i'm sorry i forget you at times.

God: I've heard that one before.
shukie: Please don't give up on me just yet. I NEED YOU. Need you to make sence of this world, when i'm broken, when i'm sad, when i'm MAAD as hell... opps my bad. You get the point though.

God: I did say i'll never leave you or forsake you.
shukie: Okay now that we're talking again. Can i just say what i want for Christmas. All i want for Chrismas

God: The homeless to be fed, orphans to find love and world peace.
shukie: An iphone.

We both burst out laughing, i get off my knees and get some sleep. Tomorrows a another day, right?

my worst things in the whole wide world..

After the curious turn of events in Jozi with the weather last week and Raz who made headlines after he sung the SA national anthem  like a vamp drunk off boxed Mai Tai (lol if there's such) at SA's rugby game with England last week, i felt a little low. Tuesday morning i got to work and snapped at everyone who crossed my path. I'm the only female in the office at my second job and usually this has its perks, though on Tuesday i just wanted the guys to disappear. Watching the rain outside that day and pullin my cardigan closer to my body because it was freezing, i got to thinking about my worst things in the whole wide world. here they are, in no particular order.

1. Heartbreak, and the long journey back to getting a 'you' back that works.

2. Crap weather, which inspired this article.

3.Loosing friends, that annoying realisation that things will never go back to how they where. Missing the laughs shared.

4. Chilled red wine, come on now.

5. The little visit from aunt flo and the likelihood of crying over anything. (eg NOT being on facebook! LOL)

6.Crap food when i'm starving.

7. Death, 9 years on i still miss my dad and dream of him.

8. Discovering well into my number two that there's no toilet paper on the roll!

9. Days when i feel sorry for myself.

10. meeting someone i used to date with a fine thang packed in his arm and looking so fucking happy.

11. Bad days when all my clothes are at the laundry (thus the frumpy shirt fished out from the back of the closet) my hair needs doing, my nails are chipped and i have no lipgloss on. I always meet the one person i haven't seen in ages and they always look FRESH!!

12. Dirty toe nails peeping out of peep toe heels, underarm hair long enough to make snoop jealous and women who smell like builders on the job.

13. Feeling lonely, even when surronded by people.

14. Illusive love and getting caught up. Come on how many frogs do a gal gotta kiss....

15. mariyah carey's rendition of..... "I want to know what love is" on a bad day
16. Standing in queues, especially bank ones

Cool Politics Rocks! (And hers trully discovered the 'new' Newtown at it!)

Move over Africa, I had the pleasure of attending my first cool politics discussion on the Holy  War in Palestine last Wednesday night. After an hour long documentary film, I'll be the first to admit i found myself holding back tears. (Okay i had to because I recently started using fabuloush mascara, its so to die for! the last thing i needed was eyes caked in the stuff!) Suddenly i had a new set of words floating around in my head.

Hamas?

Zionists?

Occupation?

Israeli Activists?

What led to the Jew and Arab conflict way back when it begun in the 1800's?

Why Palestine?

Why the creation of the Gaza strip?

Was this a political battle? Religious? Both?

I did get one thing though, as usual America has acted as the uncle who took his nephew Israel to school, saw him through university, though molested him all the while. It's the usual case of a higher power empowers one people to milk their resources out of them. There's always some sort of uprising when the people who are getting the raw side of the deal suddenly realise it. Thousands of dead civilians later, some kind of peace accord is signed (usually not the first of its kind) spear headed of course by the United Nations. These attempts do little or nothing to stop human right injustices. Meanwhile living in Palestine today seems hellish. A huge prison of sorts with checkpoints on every other corner, no access to proper medical care, families living in absolute filth and poverty. Okay so whats new right? The greater part of Africa lives that way. Wrong. The greater part of Africa do not live under military rule. Added to all of the above, the Palestinians have to  live with the constant presence of Israeli soldiers carrying rifles and are at liberty to harass at will. Watching young soldiers so determined on their mission makes me think of the youth malitia in Zimbabwe. So determined in the wrong mission.

Okay before i get ahead of myself, to simply generalize all the problems in Palestine on the Israeli's isn't being totally fair. This story to me sounds like it has at least three sides to it. It's hardly a case of Jews occupying the majority and fertile land in Palestine and oppressing at will. The dynamics are thoroughly interwoven in religion and the result of what happens when that thin line between love and hate reveals itself. I'll definately be reading more on Palestine, i figure there's nothing worse than being ignorant on issues that affect people who laugh, eat, cry and want to be happy just as i do. Wednesday night was nothing short of insightful.

SO... I discovered a new space i can chill at on a Wednesday night where young multi cultural people come together and discuss political issues. Great music, add a boudouir type setting decked with cushions and bean bags. A place to just kick back and talk. Next Wednesday (25th Nov 09) we are discussing 'A United Africa?' Sounds great i've already started reading on the subject and I'm loving it. Do join us if u're in Jozi. The venue is at a jazz club called House of Ntsako, 101 High Street, Brixton (five minutes drive away from the Newton Precinct ) at 18.30. Lets be the empowered young people with a hunger to learn and change the world, in the little way we can. Plus (and this is the best part I think) because there's a bar and dj, we all get to party, albeit on a Wednesday night, afterward. WHOOP! WHOOP! (for more info go to coolpolitics.org.za) 

peel me like a grape

http://www.dianakrall.com/ (watch the boy from Ipanema)
i've officially become a Diana Krall fan! She had me at "the boy from Ipanema." We all have the one person who we fall shamelessly for and don't have a clue why. Okay we do, but it makes no sense.The one person we would gladly let peel us like a grape. When you put your heart on the line and say "this is me take me as i am" you sort of cross your fingers and hope they will. Love is a dangerous game, as Michael Buble says... life on reflection is all about love. We're either in love, dreaming about love, recovering from it, wishing for it or reflecting on it.
On that note i'm sorry to the guy who i clung onto as if for dear life, that can't have felt too cool.
I'm sorry to the guy who came into my life when i was in a bad space, i didn't have to be so heartless.
I'm sorry to the guy who loved me and i could never for the life of me understand why.
I'm sorry to the guy whose house i turned up at drunk out of my skull and caused a scene... (cringe)

My name is shukie
(Hie Shukie...chorus)
I'm not perfect, i have bad days. I shout, i act irrationally sometimes. Though i wish you'd peel me like a grape!

my favourite things in the whole wide world...YAY!!

its 28 degrees in jozi and from the window at work, i can see the cyclists taking part in this years Momentum 94.7 challenge. Everyone here is hung over from last nights book launch... but being the die hard fun people we are, we just popped open a bottle of white wine (to ease into the day,you understand!)I've been on this whole 'welcoming the festive season tip',everyone around me thinks i'm taking something. I'm simply high on life. I decided since my plans to go home for a while didn't work out... i'm throwing a 'what u still doin in Jozi' party when my flatmate and her brood leave for the Eastern Cape. An old skool party, no Chris Brown or the dreadlocked one with the tatoo's on his face then! A chill session, good company and good music. That's one of my favourite things in the whole wide world, listening to good music wit gud company. Mmm... favourite things, today seems like the perfect day to ramble on about them.(Outside the ladies look gorgeous, its the perfect day to go to the park)
So here they is (thanks Timberland for making it cool to butcher the language) In no order at all of course..

1. Rolling over to the cool side of the bed and feeling a light breeze on my skin.
2. The perfect cup of coffee.
3.Canary Wharf in East London,UK. Its beauty is simply soul inspired.
4.Sunset on the couches at Moyo's in Durban with a blanket and watching the Indian Ocean.
5. Dancing to jazz at Katy's jazz club in Rosebank.
6.Walking down Bond Street in Central London
7.The smell in the air before it rains
8.A sunset cruise on the Zambezi (add sundowners..YAY!)
9.Heels fresh out of the box
10.Hanging out in Newtown with the culturally rich people who are inspiring and fun.
11. Switching off my phone and disappearing off the surface of the earth for a while.
12. Club hopping in Leeds
13.Staying at home with a few good books in my pyjamas
14. Waking up at my grandmothers farm in Choma, Zambia and contemplating in those first few seconds where that life ends and my other one begins.
15.Singing, however terribly, in the street.
16. Buying a new CD (even in the wonderful age of itunes)
17. Snow on the ground
18. BEING SHUKIE

missing things i never had...

most days now,
I find myself longing,
Yearning for things i must have had,
then lost,
only i know, deep inside,
I never actually acquired them,
I miss you always,
though you were never mine,
I miss our children,
Although we never actually had any,
I miss our quaint home,
With its paintings and view of the sea,

I miss waking up next to you,
Although i have no idea what that should be like,
I miss listening to jazz with you,
while you cook horrid pasta
which i pretend is the best thing ever,
while laughing at your moderately funny jokes,

I miss our walks on the beach at dask,
Our celebrating our birthdays with chilled champaign & strawberries
Travelling to distant places on our anniversaries,
where noone knows our names,
I miss watching reruns on tv with you
While you make me watch all your favourite programmes,
I miss taking long showers with you,
Soaking in a tub filled with rose petals,

I miss painting with you,
Plastering a bright yellow smile on your face with my brush,
And watch you turn into a kid again,
I miss our talks at the fire,
Over mugs of hot chocolate with mashmallows,
I miss being overly deep,
Deep for no reason,

I miss seeing how cute you look when you're mad,
Watching you nose wrinkle up in frustration,
Before you smile your ridiculously yummy smile,
Refreshing like a burst of fresh air,

Many nights with you on my mind,
i miss you,
Though of course, i don't know who you are...

2010 World Cup... how we love to harpeth on it so!

World Cup 2010... that's like talking about the weather when you have nothing else to say to someone. Everyone has an opinion on it. I've been living in SA for about 3 yrs now and even in the earlier days got the feeling that this thing wud get larger than life. I was right! Some predicted it would all come crushing down for SA politically after the World Cup. Others predicted it would just be the beginning (And we all sort of knew SA wud have a rapist as president by now!) Most predicted millions would be swindled out of civilians in the name of govt tenders, the so called stadiums needed, the Ria Via buses (gag!) and the Gautrain (uhh!!) Anyway less than a year to go and we are all waiting and watching i suppose.

I vowed i'd take my first born son to one of the games, while another friend vowed she'd open a catering business in time for the food rush! Another friend said he'd become a pimp and run Jozi's sleaziest brothel! Wishful thinking i suppose on all our parts. I still don't have any children (nor plan to in the foreseable future) My one friend got over the catering thing...her recent craze... handbag retail (u shud hear her trying to get me to buy blatantly fake Guess!) and my other friend is discouraged at the number of thriving brothels there are (we're talking Mexican chicks! lol) I will say though that the prospect of 2010 has had some positive impact in jhb, more so in the CBD. In Newtown all the paths have been paved with brick, in the dodgy street i live in, the council has gone through the painstaking task (one they should have embarked on in 94'really) of installing street lamps and collecting the rubbish at least twice a week. The CBD is looking better than it has in years, almost like ur friends mom who goes on a diet or whatever and morphes into this sexy dish that's sizzlin. I like!

A lot of my collegues and friends already have tickets to some of the games, apparently most of them are sold out already! That's a positive thing i think. It means while evryone else is at the World Cup i'll be at home catching up on all the movies i've missed or painting my toe nails green. I'm sure i'll end up at a game or two none the less. While everyone is doing the whole 'ayobaness' thing, i'll be doing it with them. Screaming my lungs out and just harping on about being a part of the world cup!

wonderful world

It's the manuscript, the main reason i started reading on West Africa, more so Nigeria. I wanted to write a story that was acurate, though i will admit it's hard to write on something one initially has no clue about. How could i write a story on the Biafran or Ogoniland issue when a few months ago it was foreign to me? Sure the soothing jazz vocals of Ella Fitzgerald in the background as i research on something that's new and exciting makes me feel like Jackie Collins should on a good day, though learning a mindful about anything is still hectic.I wanted to learn however, thus begun my quest to know more. Over the past few months i've read enough West African novels and reports to last a lifetime and my friends think i've lost it. When i do say i'm going to Cameroon, they roll they eyes and think i'm barmy. When i meet with Kwame (my friend from Benin) to watch him ccok up a West African storm (an aquired taste, i believe)the same friends think i'm selling out... I just smile and take in everything i can. (great friends i have don't you think!)
It's just as a southern African i've always had preconceived ideas about our West African brothers and sisters. Previously once anyone opened their mouth and the signature accent flowed out, i'd instantly switch off. I'm not proud of the admission though it goes to show how honestly closed minded i was.
On the other hand, i've just discovered all the 'Indian' looking people who live in Forsdburg ain't all Muslim nor from India. I recently became friends with a guy from Jordon and discovered the only thing he has in common with al the other 'Indian' looking people around him is the fact he speaks Arabic. He actually doesn't celebrate divali nor does he chew on the red chewy stuff though he does do juma. Amazing how we usually judge people based on the stereotypes we claim we don't habour in our minds. Meanwhile i've been reading a lot of Chris Abani and listening to Ghananian music... it is a wonderful world out there, if you give it a chance!

life's uncanny way of going on

Well the hype of district 9 has been and gone. The actors got fat pay cheques and are apparently now A list property... For those of us who thought the whole thing was cringe worthy and gagged throughout the movie the question is 'what was the fuss about?' The Nigerian Minister of something has banned the film from Nigeria because it portrays i qoute "Nigerians as cannibals and knee deep into voodoo."
I'm thinking, with all due respect whats new? I mean after watching a few unsettling Nigerian films i'm surprised there's an uproar. If "Billionaires Club" was anything to go by, a few scenes with a Nigerian drug Lord scoffing down human flesh for power, seems on point. I'm sad it's not really a portrayal of Nigerians as a people, though when was life ever fair. I'm half Zimbabwean and have had to justify the fact that i was brought up on that soil every day of my life.I have to answer weird questions like why we haven't hung Mugabe already!!
Meanwhile my publisher is certain my novel will be published in April 2010,YAY!! It's been a bloody long time comming. So i've been hitting the town in my heels and dancing like its the turn of the new millenium. And why not? I work too hard, the least i can do is play hard! i'm single and don't i want everyone to know it!!!

For the first time in months i can sit in a quaint Italian restuarant and enjoy a glass of red wine by myself while going over some far from flattering reviews of my novel and decide what Shukie is going to do with this life. I recently bumped into a fairly 'young' flame in a club and despite the semi hurt i felt at our particularly abrupt end, didn't have the energy i thought i'd have to pretend i'm over everything. Okay so i didn't burst into tears or anything (that was another occassion, another story!! )

Anyway so for now it's back to blissful reading in bed all day on a Sunday and serial dating on the whim, and drinking boxed wine right out of the box....

Life has an uncanny way of going on...

Meanwhile after my ulcer diagnosis (the same one i've told EVERYONE about!)I've started drinking more water and faithfully trying the whole five a day thing.Going well i think,despite the sight of my poo that has a penchant with floating gayly in the chamber (It always sunk to the bottom before)
Life is, in essence, is going on.
Most days i float, some days i just want to disappear.

for the 'fineness' that is man

My jaw drops,
I do a double take of him,
Then ram, nose first, into the wall,
You see he has me thinking things,
Thoughts of sinning,
Making me ready to outstreach my hand,
Beam my most seductive,and say,

"Hie i'm Shukie, don't mean to be forward, i'm really digging the shirt, though you probably look better without it on... opps did i just say that out aloud?"

Then I laugh like a vamp drunk off cheap wine,
Let his name roll off my lips,
Like i was born to say it,
Saying it musically, writing the first song in our book,
Then singing it to him every day of our lives,

He looks at me, up then down,
Slowly taking in my 34B breasts,
Arranged provacatively in my push up wonder bra,
Now they don't say wonder for nothing hey...
He takes in the texture of my skin,
Peeling me like a grape,

I'm thinking maybe...
We can make a baby,
Maybe we can be the next used to be,
I stick my tongue in his mouth,
Watch amazed as he gasps once we break for air,
He's blushing..
I didn't have him down as a shy type..
Then again,
i guess he didn't think i'd jump him 5 seconds after meeting him,

This one is the fineness that is man,
The way them fine brothers speak,
The way they walk, the clothes they wear,
This is for all the eyecandy out there,

Oh so fine!

Africa, my first love

I recently fell in love with Africa,for the first time...
Don't get me wrong, i've always liked Africa, i mean i was born in Africa. Southern Africa to be exact, though i actually didn't know much about the continent as a whole, certainly nothing about Western and Northen Africa.Nothing about African politics or the plight we are in. The cold war is over,our colonisers are long gone, though we are apparently still in chains, shackled still, if you will. Until recently i didn't care about any of the 53 countries, about civil wars,or growing poverty. I was simply content in my ignorance,how did the civil war in Angola affect me? What was the whole fuss over oil in Nigeria? Why couldn't everyone just get along. That all changed when i picked up Roert Guest's A shackled continent. What started off as a lazy read had me up until the early hours, laughing out loud and then so gripped with fear and a genuine sense of loss.
Where had we got it wrong? Why did we beg the western world for aid we are apparently 'entitled' to and then use it for our personal extravagances? Yes im referring to our presidents and everyone else in power. On a quest for more answers, i read Phillip Gourevitch's, We wish to inform you that tomorrow we will be killed with our families... a reporters account on the genocides in Rwanda. Then i read Ken Wiwa's memoir of his father, Ken Saro-Wiwa and couldn't believe i'd never heard of him.
One thing was certain though, the root of the problems we have in Africa is because we don't like each other as people. Different tribes just don't get along, the stereotypes our colonisers used to divide us still prevail. In Zambia if you're Tonga, you are considered lazy and foolish. in Zimbabwe you can't be Ndebele, In South Africa if you're Zulu, you're a killer. Further afield in Nigeria if you ain't Wazobian then forget it.

Why has Africa had so much civil war? In all other regions of the world the incidence of civil war has been on a broadly declining trend over the past thirty years: but in Africa the long term trend has been upwards. Of course, every civil war has its ‘story’ – the personalities, the social cleavages, the triggering events, the inflammatory discourse, the atrocities. But is there anything more? Are there structural conditions – social, political or economic - which make a country prone to civil war? Might it be that the same inflammatory politician, playing on the same social cleavages, and with the same triggering events, might ‘cause’ war under one set of conditions and merely be an ugly irritant in another?

Surprisingly, the dominant factors are economic. Three factors matter a lot for the risk of civil war: the level of income, its rate of growth, and its structure. If a country is poor, in economic decline, and is dependent upon natural resource exports, then it faces a substantial risk that sooner or later it will experience a civil war. As was the case in Nigeria, after researching further i discovered there was one major civil war after independance and then a few substantial in the Delta after Ken Saro-Wiwa's fate. Typically, such a country runs a risk of around one-in-seven every five years. Like Russian roulette, things might go well for a while, but then some conjunction of circumstances – the personalities, the triggering events – ignite violent conflict. Of course, when this happens, the media focus on the personalities and the triggering events. These are indeed the proximate ‘cause’ of the conflict. But the big brute fact is that civil war is heavily concentrated in countries with low income, in economic decline, and dependent upon natural resources.
The prolonged viability of UNITA in Angola and the RUF in Sierra Leone; the violent gangs of the Nigerian Delta; and the successful rebellions of Laurent Kabila in Zaire and of Denis Sassou-Nguesso in Congo Brazaville, were all assisted by one or the other of these methods of natural resource financing.

For the best part, i am PROUDLY African and for all the wrong that happens in Africa, merely being born here is priceless. The weather is amazing,our smiles endearing. We are generally helpful to each other and have the warmest hearts. Thanks to my inquisitive streak, i can now safely say i have Zimbabwean, Zambian, Namibian, Ethiopian,Kenyan, Malwian,Nigerian, Mozambiquean, Sierra Leonian and recently added Senegalese friends. Oh and the guy who does my beaded bracelets... he's from Togo.
For the most part Africa will come right, one day.

Allow me to pms.. jus a lil bit

okay so im an arguably attractive twenty- four old, with a great body, great friends and a job that many think makes for the bubbly person i am. My bills are paid on time and i have an active social life, in the past few years i've managed to break a fistful of hearts...
I'm considered strong willed and determined in most circles, i sing in the shower,stick flowers in my hair and i actually own a 'happy' place!

I fall apart though.

I remember the first time i did.Years ago i was shacking up with my then boyriend in a dodgy flat in west London. He was unfortunately my life, my food, the water that quinched my thirst, my day, my nightime. (I see you gagging already, i gag too now in retrospect)It goes without mention that our break up left me self detructing. The only positive thing i took away with me was a svelter (more svelt?) me! Food had apparently lost its taste, the birds weren't chirping in my world and i couldn't seem to get out of bed.I couldn't go to any social evets without downing a bottle of wine first to numb the pain. I'd call him later drunk and wail, and ask through slurred sniffs why he'd taken my heart, split it into two and trod on its remains! That was about five years ago. Though that relationship has defined many of the others that have followed.

I fell apart a few weeks ago, though gratefully this time it wasn't over a man, okay maybe a lil bit. The details of my current breakdown are complicated, maybe i should say i just got tired of walking around with flowers in my hair and pretending i was alright. My job, bless its soul, doesn't insipre me as much as it used to in the start. My attempt to go back to university this year failed and i haven't been in a relationship for so long i'm not sure i remember what that should be like. My mother lives alone in a country that should be my home, though each time i visit her i feel guilty because i hate it and always count down the days for my flight back to jhb.
I want to cry, tap into the pain i feel, though i've managed to morph into a cold being who doesn't show emotions. I want to be held in strong loving arms and be accepted for the semi alcoholic i am. A fully fledged insomniac, i yearn to sleep. I'm loneliest in a room filled with people. I'm screaming in my head, though theres a smile plastered on my face. You'd think i'd have it altogether by now, but i don't.